Finding Freedom From Fixtures

After recently taking a workshop with Marylee Fairbanks (http://maryleefairbanks.com/) I have decided to begin my own "24 Things" challenge (http://maryleefairbanks.com/24-things/). The rules are simple: each day for 24 days you let go of something that has been cluttering up your house, something that no longer serves you, objects that will be better suited at a yard sale, donation box, or in a trash barrel. During the 24 day release, one should only purchase necessities-- food, medical care, etc. All other material desires should be added to an ongoing list. If you are able to remember the items on your list at the end of the 24 days, then you are free to purchase them, otherwise they are likely to have been unimportant. According to Marylee, "The clutter in our house reflects the clutter in our hearts." Are we clinging to mementos of past relationships? Unwanted gifts that we were too polite to turn away? Clothes that haven't fit for years? Objects that no longer reflect who we are currently in this ever-changing body and mind of ours? Are the things we surround ourselves with keeping us rooted in the past, preventing us from blossoming into the future? In order to invite abundance into our lives, we must eliminate the unnecessary clutter that surrounds us.

Although Marylee recommends four cycles, corresponding to the four seasons, of 24 Things each year, the timing of her most recent workshop and the significance of this period in my own life could not have been better. I will be beginning my solitary 24 Things today, April 29th exactly one year after my (ex) husband told me he was moving out. In exactly 24 days I will turn 28 years old. I cannot think of a better way to mark the end of a year of transformation and to usher in another year of abundance, love, and gratitude for this life that constantly challenges and inspires me.

"One good thing to remember when clearing out is this: If you have an object that makes the past feel more important than the future then you should let it go. The past is gone. Your present is all that need be nourished." ~Marylee Fairbanks

Friday, August 16, 2013

60: Mini-Piano

Since childhood I've always wanted to learn to play the piano. Some of my earliest memories include the small, white, wooden, toy piano that I would bang on for hours, composing original songs. It was about a foot wide and long, included tiny two-inch legs, and maybe twenty keys. It was one of the few toys that survived years of my mothers' yearly toy-room cleanings.  I don't remember when it finally found its way into the trash or bag of donations, but I do remember I never lost my lust for the piano.

Over the years after the wooden piano, I bought several of the hand-held electronic keyboards from the toy aisle in Osco Drug. They came with a small song book and instructions for playing tunes like "Mary Had a Little Lamb." I'd play the songs over and over until I could perform them without reading the notes. Then I'd press the tiny keys faster and faster trying to beat my previous time.  I found I'd kept one of the electronic pianos when I was cleaning through bins from my parents' house. I opened the yellow case and pressed on each key, but, having experienced irreversible hearing loss several years ago, I could no longer hear some of the notes. I placed it in the pile of things to give away.

My high school offered a piano lab class that I tried to sign up for, but the class was either cancelled due to low enrollment or didn't fit my schedule. In college I bought a full length keyboard from a friend of a friend. My brother drove over with me and helped me carry it down from his third floor apartment and load it into the back of his pick up truck. We put it together in my parents' attic. I bought a Piano for Dummies book and spent weeks trying to teach myself to play. I learned a simple song that I practiced until I'd memorized all the notes. It was during one of the rare weeks off between college semesters that I learned to play and as soon as classes started again, I couldn't find the time to practice. The keyboard collected a thick layer of dust and became home to several spiders, further deterring me from playing. When I moved to Georgia after college I left it behind in my parents' attic.

After my ex had finally cleared the last of his things from my apartment, I had plenty of free space and decided to bring things from my parents house. My brother helped me carry eight boxes and the piano into my apartment. The piano fit perfectly along a wall in my living room. I signed up for piano classes that will begin the day I go to court to finalize my divorce. Despite how devastating it has been to let go of a relationship that lasted nine years, I am forever grateful that it did dissolve because being single has allowed me the opportunity to do so many things I wouldn't have done otherwise.  Learning to play the piano is just another old desire long put-off for the purpose of trying to patch together a broken relationship. In the past, I was hesitant to fill up my free time because I reasoned that if I could be home whenever my husband was available, which wasn't often, I could somehow salvage what was left of our relationship. Now that our relationship is long past surviving, I'm revisiting old passions and desires long suppressed. For the first time in my life I have been living for me, putting myself first, making decisions based on my needs and values. Losing my husband meant losing a part of my identity, losing what I'd determined would be my future together with him. Although at times, especially initially, no longer having a clear idea of where I was going or what I was doing with my future made me feel lost and anxious, I am learning to be comfortable with and grateful for the uncertainty. What a beautiful and devastating thing it is to be free of the planned path of life and instead to have to find your foothold along an unmarked trail. 
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